I am quite reluctant to say that we live in an extroverted world. Rather, I would say that we live in the world we create, even if it is different from what most of society would expect from us. However, I have to agree with one thing - the modern, dynamic way of conducting a conversation based on a quick exchange of sentences was definitely created by an extrovert. And I have a feeling that before the implementation it was not certified 'suitable for introverts and hsp' 😉 In any case, he would not gain my approval. But let's start from the beginning.
In practice, it looks something like this: I enter my favorite dance school. Place is already known, but each time the atmosphere is a little different. A lot of people, general confusion. My brain is still processing new stimuli coming from everywhere, light, smells, movement, sounds, temperature change. Many faces around, each with a slightly different emotional message. I am also wondering if I locked the car a while ago. I fall into a vortex of processing for a moment, which looks something like when we open too many bookmarks in our web browser. They all work, but it all goes a little slower. And if we overdo it, they all crash.
And that's when the question comes to me. QUESTION. If you want to make sure, yes, that's the missing icing on the cake. And no matter what this question concerns - the answer to most of the welcoming questions we hear usually does not require too much eloquence. But first you have to hear and understand the question. And then find the words in your head. And the system is not responding. Blue screen. Such a 'suspended' brain needs a few nice seconds before it can recover and realize the situation. And these few seconds is enough for our interlocutor to start watching us strangely, wondering what is going on inside. Or worse, he starts talking to someone else in the meantime. And we just ... Eh ...
It doesn't have to be noisy
These types of situations do not always have to be associated with staying in places where a lot is going on. Sometimes they come to the surface even in introvert-friendly environments, such as our own apartment. For example, I talk to my partner in peace and quiet when THIS question is asked. THIS, meaning one of those of the deep, important or emotional genre. The answer to such questions is particularly cunning, because it requires analyzing a whole range of factors. The intention with which the question was asked, the body language of the interlocutor, my own emotions caused by the unexpected turn of action and the general shock associated with the pace of conversation. In addition, there are sounds from behind the wall and the memories that this question evoked in my head. By the time I get to the stage where I could think about answering at all, my partner already seems bored. He makes sure I understand the question and that I'm fine. "Yes, the most," I answer. "I just need a moment to answer."
Immediately afterwards I start to think about whether it is something wrong with me, or maybe the world in which we live is so impatient. And I try to believe with all my heart that it is the latter. Otherwise, I would have to assume my own incompleteness, which is not necessarily my ambition. So I think that maybe the world doesn't really care about the answers from the bottom of your heart or mind? Those thoughtful, analyzed, which have already undergone the first internal correction? Maybe it is just a matter of maintaining conversation, continuing exchanges, even if they do not matter much? Or maybe other brains are so efficient that they are able to prepare a neat, brilliant and reflecting reality in a split second?
After rethinking the subject (and many long extra seconds), I come to the conclusion that the truth, as usual, lies somewhere in between. The fact is that human brains are different and one of us can communicate at a very fast pace, maintaining the full logic of expression, while others have a problem to say anything "quickly". On the other hand, let's remember that on average there is a kind of correlation between the time of preparing a speech and its substantive value. Specifically, these two values are usually directly proportional to each other. So it's not like the time we use before we open our mouths is a waste of time. Our answer will simply take into account some more factors that perhaps a more spontaneous person will not even notice.
This gives a very clear picture of the strengths of introverts and highly sensitive people. Maybe we will never become masters of rapid retort, or the loudest people in a dynamic, group discussion. However, there is a good chance that after such a quick exchange of opinions someone will contact us to hear our opinion on the discussed topic. We are a good source of thoughtful comments, taking into account all available factors and circumstances. Very often, we also understand the concept of emotional intelligence well and are able to use it. It has been known for a long time that behind almost every great speaker or entrepreneur in history stood a kind adviser or thinker without whom nothing could happen. Coincidence?
Each conversation style is therefore more or less favorable depending on the situation. And none is better than the other, provided that we respect the other person. Let's also remember to always give ourselves time to think, which we need at a given moment. Our interlocutor will also be happy to wait a little longer if he cares about our opinion. After all, he does not accidentally talk to us. Of course, I encourage all ambitious to work on themselves and train their own conversational skills. I believe that this is the area in which we have a big development potential. And that innate talent is only part of the success. It is worth considering this, especially when the restrictions we encounter start to bother us, or even get in the way of achieving goals. But this does not mean that we have to give up our valuable observation and analysis capabilities. Rather, the key to success is to use them in a controlled manner and, if we want, afford a little looseness and imperfections. Without uncertainty, fear of judgement and all other undesirable goblins.